I know that I am nothing...

Reading:   Alma 25-26

Who am I?  What am I doing?  Am I anywhere near the person I thought or expected I'd be when I was young...I look at my children, their future, the brightness in their eyes and the joy that they find in life - yes, they are teenagers and believe the world is at their fingertips, or at a flip of a switch, that life is out to get them, the extremes of that age.  Everything is so vast in their world and yet they don't see what I see.  They don't understand that I too was where they are - the world in front of me.  I want to protect them from the bad, the roads that I have traveled and hope to steer them from.  I want to guide them and tell them everything will be okay.

I look at where I am now, time slipping, and often feel the weight of failure closing in, goals not met, achievements not crested and glories not won.  Who am I?

My parents no doubt look at me and think, "Everything is so lost and frustrating in his world and yet he doesn't see what we see.  He doesn't understand that we too were where he is - failure and regret in front of us.  He can't see what we see, the man that he is, the father and husband, brother and son.  How can we feel failure or regret seeing who he is, seeing our boys and girls, who they each have become.  We want to shake him and wake him from the blindness of his sight and promise him that all will be okay."

I'm sure my parents too have moments of sadness when life lays bare wrong choices they have made, missteps, and errors in judgement.  I'm sure thoughts swirl in them, as they do in me, and they too see time slipping and question, "Who am I?"

Heavenly Father looks at my parents and with yearning says, "They do not see what I see, the goals they have met, the achievements crested, the Glory they have won.  My heart is filled with their good works.  I love them and I know who they are!"

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Where did that heavy intro come from? Let me explain...Today I read about the sons of Mosiah discussing the wonders of what they had accomplished.  Aaron cautions Ammon about boasting and Ammon replies...

ALMA 26:12

12    Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever. 

So, the words, "I know that I am nothing" have been burning a hole in my thoughts ever since I read the verse (around 2:00 PM).  I haven't been able to shake it.  The idea of who I am and what I have accomplished etc. Ultimately, the thought of being a teenager, of my parents once being where I am right now (desperately trying to hold on to whatever faith I have while trying to make ends meet and keep my teenagers from falling off cliffs they aren't even aware they are walking towards), and that my parents now, in the grandparent years, well, all of us are as Ammon said, "nothing," in ourselves, but everything in the strength of God?  We are His children, here, in this probationary state of existence, for the sole purpose of learning, growing, and helping one another to return to Him.

I am a parent.  I have four amazing children in my stewardship.  Luckily, I also have an incredible wife to share in this stewardship, this gift of parenthood. Who am I to doubt my accomplishments and place in this world.  If I do nothing more than raise these kids and teach them what I know of God then so be it - I know that I will be embraced and welcomed in Glory for that simple miracle...

~Kipling